you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
