We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
