At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
