You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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