there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
