That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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