I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
