just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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