I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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