i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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