3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
