oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
