the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
