I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
