Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize