All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize