Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
