it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
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