I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
