I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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