It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
