you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
