I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
FUCK WHALES
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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