Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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