I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
