How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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