Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
