Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
