just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
