whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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