Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
