i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
