Your mouth is God's brothel.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
