Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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