you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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