im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
