I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
