then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
