time to smoke my breakfast
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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