I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
