Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
