i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I need to wash the frat house off of me
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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