I don't think brook has ever known best
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
