woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
