im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
