Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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