Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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