I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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