im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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