My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
