So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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