every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
