There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
