Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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