Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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