ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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