Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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