lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
