swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
