I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
