The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
