The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
