things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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