My cat gives me a boner
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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