I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
