A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Is it penis luge time yet?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
