Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
