Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
