I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize