Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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